I don't know, John. The minimum amount of grooming and fretting that women are supposed to do in our society to look socially passable is pretty high, unfortunately. I mean, look at Janice's comments here about her facebook photos and how she has to gussy herself up. I'm not minimizing the pressures men feel, by any means, but in our society (more so in some geographic areas than others) there's a very high level of maintenance–make-up, dieting, shaved legs, well-maintained nails and complexion–that's necessary to even leave the house. I read an article somewhere once about how every choice a woman makes regarding her appearance (even if it's to forgo maintaining her appearance) makes a strong political statement, that every choice a woman makes about her appearance is assumed to say something about her philosophy or sexuality or whatever. This, I think, is really the reason women talk about it more, and why it's more acceptable. They're immersed in it, at all times. The monologue is constant and takes up a surprising amount of time and effort.

Men's choices make statements about their philosophies or social status or job or what not, too, but often these are muted statements, and there's a lot more wiggle room. My husband will go months at a time without shaving his beard, and that does not become a statement about his sexuality or political alignment or socioeconomic status. The same can't be said about, say, my deciding whether or not to cut my hair short, or brush it.

(The husband doesn't even own a comb!)

That's not to say that I can't see what you're getting at: these pressures and insecurities are universal. I just don't know if it's so weighted with men, and if the onslaught comes from all directions, and constantly, as it does with women.

Also, even if the question is who is in a better position, it's not obvious to me whether women or men are better off. Everyone — not just women — is held to high standards about appearance. It matters for everyone. But men aren't allowed to even mention it, let alone complain about it. Just look at how John Edwards was ridiculed over a short video clip where he was having his hair done. That wouldn't have happened to a woman. Yet, it's not as if he had an option of just not caring. Men are between a rock and a hard place: if they care about their hair (for example), they're subject to ridicule that would never be applied to women — but if their hair looks bad, they'll also suffer.

Women at least have an *open possibility* to aspire to the happy medium you're describing in this post. I would submit that it's not as available to men.

It's not just women. You just hear women *talking* about it more because they're allowed to.