Philcon Cosplay and the Timeline of River Song

(or, a very Whovian blogpost in two parts)

1. Pookie & I went to Philcon as 4 and 11.

I only got one picture from the first day, when Jordan was decked out in full Tom Baker regalia. I suspect there will be some photos found soon with his awesomeness contained therein, because he couldn’t walk more than a few feet without someone stopping him to take his picture. All I have is this, which is bad ass, but not very, uh, clear.

No pictures from Day 1 also means an utter lack of crossplay 11 pictures. On day 2, I dressed as a Femme Eleven, as pictured below, complete with TARDIS purse.

Sidetalkin' with my sonic

This was my first public cosplaying experience, and while I know that Who cosplayers are kind of ubiquitous now, it was also kind of ridiculous fun. There was a great Time Lord cosplayer who complimented my costume (puhlease, dude, yours was so awesome!), and a dude on an elevator who whispered to me that “stetsons are cool” (when I stole Jordan’s hat), and it seemed to make people happy and was a great ice breaker. A+++ first cosplay experience. Would try again.

2. Night and the Doctor and the Timeline of River Song

You might remember that a month ago, I embarked on a rewatch of all the River Song episodes, as viewed from her perspective. However, about halfway through, I ran into a brick wall. I just couldn’t quite grok the right order for the episode. I suspected that the problem was that there were some events key to the ordering that we hadn’t yet seen. Turns out, with the release of the season 6 DVD (which includes several mini-episodes) that I was right.

The mini-eps have already been leaked on youtube, though I’d recommend that you go ahead and buy the DVD and support the show, of course. Anyway, the relevant shorts are the last two–“First Night,” and “Last Night.”

Spoilers below this picture of me smoochin’ my husband.

In the minisodes, we see three River Songs. The first is one that the Doctor (relative age unknown) plucks from Stormcage on her first night to take on a romantic adventure. The second is a River from five years later, who stumbles into the TARDIS while (allegedly) fighting some Sontarans. Both of these Rivers sneer at the dress the Doctor has picked for her–we see her wear the same green dress in “Day of the Moon.”

The third River who arrives, however, is wearing this same dress. It seems to be late in her timeline. In fact, the Doctor has promised to finally take her to the towers at Darillium, an event that immediately precedes her death.

So it seems that I was looking at the wrong green dress when I made my original post. The green “zeeda” zip-up dress is one that she apparently wears frequently, and can’t be relied on for dating events. Also, we learn in these videos that the big chunky bracelet she wears is not necessarily a vortex manipulator–though the Doctor does strap one to her wrist during “Last Night.” 

However, I do have reason to believe that these minisodes can help us date other events, namely the scene at the end of “A Good Man Goes to War,” where she’s wearing the zip-front dress and  vortex manipulator that she procures during “Last Night.” I’m going to go ahead and guess that these events occur back to back, at least five years after River’s imprisonment. It also helps us date River’s appearances in her long formal green dress in “Day of the Moon” (and, presumably, “The Impossible Astronaut”)–both of these events must happen after all of the above, since young River apparently really doesn’t dig that green dress, and older River does.

So, that leaves us with the following items still definitively undated:

  • The Doctor and River share an adventure in “the Bone Meadows.”
  • The Doctor and River visit Easter Island together.
  • The Doctor and River meet a being named “Jim the Fish” – Note that it has been suggested that this adventure happens in the 200 years between the Doctor’s appearances in “The Impossible Astronaut,” but due to a bootstrap paradox, it’s possible that this actually occurs at some other point during the Doctor’s timeline.
  • The Doctor and River have a picnic at Asgard – I’ve seen suggestions that the picnic at Lake Silencio, where the Doctor is given a “Viking” funeral, is actually this picnic. It’s possible, and would be very Moffaty.
  • The Doctor and River spend her birthday ice skating on the Thames to Stevie Wonder.

Otherwise, we’re left with the following timeline of episodes:

  • A Good Man Goes to War (born)
  • The Impossible Astronaut (childhood – raised by the Silence, shot at by her mother)
  • Day of the Moon (childhood, first regeneration)
  • Let’s Kill Hitler (adolescence/meets the Doctor/enrolls in Luna University)
  • Closing Time (Becomes Doctor Song, is taken again by Kovarian)
  • The Wedding of River Song (Marries the Doctor/kills the Teselecta)
  • First Night (on her first night in jail, the Doctor takes River on a romantic excursion)
  • First Night (five years later, while battling Sontarans, she stumbles into the TARDIS. The Doctor gives her a vortex manipulator, and then sends her off)
  • A Good Man Goes to War (reveals her identity to the Doctor and the Ponds)
  • The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon (Witnesses the Doctor’s death, wears shiny green dress, last kiss with the Doctor)
  • The Pandorica Opens (Leaves a message for the Doctor at the beginning of time with another vortex manipulator which she’s procured from Dorium Maldovar – then she steals a painting from Liz X and meets the Doctor in ancient Rome)
  • The Big Bang (Leaves her journal to trigger her mother’s memory. Is given back her vortex manipulator.)
  • Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone (The crash of the Byzantium)
  • The Wedding of River Song (Tells her parents the Doctor is alive)
  • First Night (The Doctor promises to take her to the singing towers)
  • Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead (death)

Or at least . . . I think. This is still not without its problems. For instance, instead of too few vortex manipulators, River now has two. Well, here’s to hoping she shows up again, so we can see her lose one. I still have faith in Moffat’s ability to make this totally moffucked timeline work right.